How to be a grown up 101

I’m not ashamed to admit that I have quite an unhealthy addiction to Buzzfeed. Many sleepless nights have begun while scrolling through the homepage and finding 32 articles that I simply HAVE to read right now.

This one caught my eye though. I decided to have a look and find out if I really am a “grown up”, or if I’m still clinging desperately to my awkward teenage years.

1. The ability to feed yourself on a daily basis.

Yes. I’m actually pretty good in the kitchen, thanks to my mother having prepared me for living on my own when I was younger.

2. At least one friend.

Yes. In fact, I’ve learned over time that it isn’t about the quantity of your friendships, it’s the quality. I used to hate being the “loner”,  but this year I’ve found who the people worth having around are and I’ve never been happier.

3. An outfit that says “I’m a mature professional,” and not “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and I think I have popcorn lodged in my bra, sorry.”

I have clothes that I’ve gone to interviews in, and been told they passed the bill. I think I got this one?

4. The ability to be woken up by an alarm.

I’m a light sleeper. I can probably be woken up by YOUR alarm.

5. A going-out dress in which you won’t TOTALLY flash everybody around you.

That title goes to the dress I wore to my cousin’s wedding recently. Simply, classy, and passed the Ben Dover test.

6. An emergency ice cream tub in the freezer at all times, for nights when you’re feeling the #twentysomething blues.

This would never work out. If I buy ice cream, I am going to eat it. As soon as I get home.

7. A favourite book that isn’t Fight Club.

So would Little Women be acceptable? Yeah? Ok, Little Women then.

8. And a favourite movie that isn’t The Notebook

The Shawshank Redemption is amazing. Winner hands down.

9. A well-reasoned attitude toward social media. 

Oops. If I’m not on Facebook, I’m on Twitter. Or Snapchat. Or Instagram.

I think I may have a problem.

10. Romantic prospects of some kind. Even the vaguest hint of them will do. Really, just someone to drunk text.

Ah, howya Mam, I didn’t know ’twas you setting these questions.

I drunk text my ex all the time. There. You happy now?

11. An intimate knowledge of the Harry Potter series. 

Knowledge? Yes. Intimate? No.

12. One dish that you can cook without having to look up the recipe. And no, “gin and tonic” is not a dish.

Fine with me, I don’t drink G&T anyway. And yes, I could probably make you a risotto with my eyes closed by now. Except I’d burn myself so if I suggest it to you please talk me out of it.

13. The ability to get from one place to another without breaking any laws. #FullLicense

I can bring you anywhere you want to go as long as you’re ok with my Dad coming too.

14. At least one ex that you’re still on good terms with, just to prove to yourself that you’re not a psycho.

My last boyfriend and I are still on (good) speaking terms. We don’t talk all the time, but when we do it’s never to actively threaten each other. We’re grand.

15. Readymade playlists for all major emotions and activities — i.e., PMSing, pregaming, crying.

My Spotify playlists include a Katy Perry one (naturally), cheesy music, music I listened to when I was a child (when I want to be “like 12”), music from my favourite musicals and happy songs.

16.  A passable knowledge of your country’s political goings-on. Passable = just enough to post an inflammatory Facebook status once in a while.

There was a referendum last week. It was defeated. I know who the Taoiseach, Tanaiste and President are. I have a fair knowledge of politics. Enough to get by, anyway.

17.  A signature dance move to bust out at parties that will say “cool” and “hip” without saying “I’m trying to say cool and hip.”

I can’t tell you what my signature move looks like. But it is in no way cool. Or hip.

18. An instinct to recycle. 

Another lesson learned from the Mammy. I always recycle.

19. An internet crush, i.e., someone you’re in love with, but only interact with via Instagram.

Would Jenna Marbles qualify here? If so, her.

20. A healthy relationship with your parents, made possible by a familial “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

Relatively healthy. We argue, but I’d still take a bullet or something for them.

21. A makeup routine that doesn’t make passersby say “nice costume!” unless you are wearing a costume on purpose.

Since I don’t wear bright make up very often, I’m gonna go with yes on this one.

22. A presentable résumé. “Being able to sing along to every ’90s Disney soundtrack” is not appropriate for your skills section.

My journalism CV is much more impressive than my other one. It has actual skills in it.

23. At least one iconic rap song memorized so you won’t have to awkwardly mumble when it comes on at a bar and all your friends know the words.

Done.*

*not actually a rap song, but I still got this one.

24. A healthy body image and legit self-respect.

I’ve finally gotten to a stage where I’m in some way happy with my body.

25. The ability to restrain yourself when it comes to junk food, shopping, drunk texting, and Mean Girls references.

No to all the above. And if you replace “drunk texting” with “drunk Snapchatting” it’s even worse.

26. A bank balance that is generally above €0.00. With some exceptions, of course, like when rent is due. Or when Zara has a sale.

I’m afraid to check it most times. I really wish I was more employable (see point 22).

27. Self-awareness.

No idea. I’m aware that I am myself, if that counts?

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